This may be more of a venting post than most of you are used to from me, and maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, but I feel like this needs to be said. I apologize in advance if anyone takes offense to this, but quite frankly, I have been offended more then once when it comes to this subject in the past 5 years... This is in no way directed towards one person in particular, so please don't feel as if I'm attacking you...
When we decided we wanted to have children, Jacob and I never pictured our lives with one gendered child over the other. Once we got pregnant with Aiden, we planned on keeping the gender to ourselves. We, of course, found out since we like to plan things ahead of time to be prepared (baby's room, clothing, etc). We were expecting family and friends to be supportive of our decision to keep this information to ourselves, but received the exact opposite. People were offended we wouldn't tell them for some reason, as if it was a direct jab towards them. In an effort to alleviate this issue, we decided to tell everyone at the baby shower that we were having a boy. Even then, we got mixed reactions - wasn't that what everyone wanted? To be in the know? Apparently not; because "so and so found out before I did", or "I was hoping you'd have a girl!" That last statement brought us to our next pregnancy...
For our 2nd pregnancy, much like the current one, we decided to find out what we were having to prepare clothes, room, etc. If Ava had turned out to be a boy, we would've gotten all of Aiden's old clothes out of the basement and washed them so we would've been ready. We instead had to go out and buy certain clothes fit for a girl. I also made a quilt for Ava (and subsequently for Aiden) so again, needed to know ahead of time. Around this time, it became evident that some people in our lives were favoring girls over boys. So because of that, we wanted to keep it as a surprise. Aiden doesn't deserve to be treated differently because he has a sister. And on the same token, it's not fair for Ava to be treated differently then Aiden, whether it be through attention, or gifts, etc. Once Ava was born, we felt a strong change in some people's interactions with her compared to how they were with Aiden as a baby. Now this isn't to say that these people don't love Aiden, but there was a visible difference.
When we decided to find out if #3 was a boy or a girl, we kept it to ourselves. Over the past 2 years, there have been situations in which Ava has been openly favored over Aiden, solely, it seems, because Ava is a girl. It's extremely unfortunate that we are unable to share this exciting news with family and friends, but feel we'll receive comments praising or criticizing the gender. As if that's something we control. Recently, upon learning that we had just found out what we were having, someone said, "oh, I so hope it's another girl!!". Regardless of what it is, how does that change anything? In the event that this one is a girl, are Ava and the new baby going to get matching clothes? I would hope not, considering my sister and I had to do that, and while I can't speak for her, I hated it... What is going to happen to Aiden in this case? Is he going to get pushed to the way side, because of "the girls"? On the other hand, if this one is a boy, what does that mean for him? He's not going to be loved as much as Ava? I know it may seem extreme to think like that, but that is sadly how I feel. What does someone expect to accomplish by saying that? Knowing that we're keeping it a secret, they should respect that. I'm constantly being trapped by people who think they can just get me to accidentally reveal the gender.
I don't understand this obsession people have over not knowing. If we don't want to tell, then oh well, we won't. We aren't trying to be mean but keeping it a secret, it's our own personal decision. This is our child, and regardless of if its a girl or a boy, we're going to love them exactly the same as our other two children. This is the last baby we're going to have and we want to savor every last moment of this pregnancy and everything that goes along with it, including holding on to this secret. Am I knocking those who decide to share their excitement and reveal their news to family and friends? Absolutely not. I respect them for that. I just wish people would do the same for us. Keeping this to ourselves is in no way meant to be out of spite towards anyone.
To those of you who have stuck around to read this entire post, thank you for letting me get this out. I apologize it is seems as though I was rambling, this was almost 5 years of frustration.
